May 16, 2011

closer

I got the approval today from my health fund for our IVF! I never take anything for granted with Israeli bureaucracy, so I breathed a sigh of relief that it finally seems like this will actually be happening.

I am trying to work on being more positive about things - I feel myself becoming increasingly negative about this cycle as a defense mechanism but after talking to Child Psychologist Dad last night (yes, my wonderful dad is a shrink!), I see that it is important to allow myself those feelings of optimism and hopefulness because I realize that if this cycle doesn't work out, it is going to be a soul-crushing blow no matter how you slice it, and having a little faith in my body and in my doctors for once can probably only help at this point.

I recently purchased the Anji IVF imagery and meditations CD and the Circle & Bloom IVF/IUI series, and I look forward to testing them out as I G-d willing begin Lupron next week. I will definitely write about what I think of them once I start using them. I also recently learned about mind/body strategies in Conquering Infertility by Dr. Ali Domar, which Y makes fun of and I highly recommend. Maybe I will write more about that too soon.

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about how miraculous it is to get pregnant and give birth to a healthy child. You know how when you watch Olympic figure skating or gymnastics it looks so natural that it could be almost effortless? I feel that's how most women go through getting pregnant and pregnancy - what is going on in their bodies is nothing short of an Olympic figure skating performance but they make it look so natural, so effortless, like it just, you know, happens. I feel like the one who can't even stand up on her skates while holding onto the wall - the girl who flails helplessly in every direction just trying to get herself in a half-standing position while holding on for dear life.

I am sure if it was another part of my body that failed me, I would be filled with similar wonder for the miracle and complexity of its function - all the simultaneous physiological and molecular events that must occur, for instance, in order to breathe. It's amazing to think about everything we take for granted when our body does exactly everything that it is supposed to do so gracefully and effortlessly! I will stop waxing philosophical, and just say that I am so happy we have a new opportunity to make a baby:)

7 comments:

  1. I'm so glad your approval came through and that you are allowing yourself to be hopeful! I really hope things continue to go smoothly for you with this process.

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  2. Yay for getting the approval!!! I love your analogy for Olympic athletes - perfect way to describe us infertiles... And enjoy the Circle+Bloom series - I loved it!

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  3. Yay for getting approval and the all clear to move forward with your IVF protocol. I think your dad has a good point regarding the negatives but it is still hard somedays to think positively when you encounter so many negatives in all different forms through this process. I hope that the Circle+Bloom and other meditation tapes help. I can only bet Dr. Love would make fun of them too.

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  4. Congrats on the approval!!! I like the positiveness.... I think it's HUGE. There is this quote about hope that I read often to remind myself daily... it honestly helped me through infertility struggles
    I wish you the best of luck!! :)

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  5. Yay!!! I'm glad your approval came through. Still waiting for mine. Ack.

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  6. I loved Alice Domar's book, and I also got a meditation for IVF CD. I think that the more work you put into relaxing, the better you will feel, but I don't believe that it has any effect on the outcome (unless you are severely stressed to the point of making your body ill). Good for you for starting with IVF, hoping that this is it!

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  7. Thanks so much, guys! I am glad to hear the positive reviews of circle & bloom. Timi - I am hoping hoping hoping you get good news SOON! I know how nerve-wracking all of the bureaucratic stuff is. MrsH - I tend to agree with your take on the relaxation. Even though I don't think it's what will make or break the cycle, I figure working on maintaining a sense of peace and positivity will be a happy diversion if nothing else:)

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